I go between wanting everything to burn down and taking time to engage with interested parties regarding America’s racism problem. Obviously, racism isn’t special to America, but it is where I live so it is where most of my focus is; it is where I have these experiences.
One of my favorite authors is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie she has said a lot of things I love, one of them being, “Racism should never have happened and so you don’t get a cookie for reducing it.” It’s strong language, but it is something to reflect on as you are engaging in the conversation surrounding the Black Lives Matter Movement and race relations. I do appreciate people who are willing to step outside of their comfort zone to participate, to be called in/ called out, to get it wrong, to learn, and to do and be better. Regardless of the color of your skin you are bound to make mistakes and it can sting to be called out, but you will survive it, I did.
I’m not going to lie, it’s a bit interesting to suddenly have so many friends and strangers want to engage in this conversation. But I think a lot of people can point to an event that opened their eyes to how minority groups are mistreated in this country and some folks are still fast asleep, but it doesn’t mean they are immune to it being brought up. Hopefully the tough conversations are still happening.
I’ve been in a weird place mentally the past two weeks.
I want to scream. I want to cry (I’ve done this a few times already). I want to delete all social media accounts and live in a bubble of blissful ignorance. I want it all to disappear: the injustice, the debates on whether or not Black lives do matter, the focus on miniscule things, and the semantics some like to throw into the mix.
Our world feels surreal right now. We’re still in a pandemic with Coronavirus and somehow that knowledge hasn’t stopped injustices from occurring on a daily basis—this information can feel incredibly overwhelming, almost unbearable some days.
I haven’t bowed out of the work or conversation completely. I’m currently working on a project that will hopefully bring the voices of Black LDS women to more people because being Black is not monolithic and the voices of Black women are not heard often, let alone ones of Black LDS women. I’m hoping it will be a good experience for everyone. But if I don’t always want to engage in conversation I hope you can understand that I am probably just tired, but I also hope that it doesn’t hinder your desire to be involved and continue learning.